What to do if your child is being bullied

Your child may feel embarrassed or ashamed about being bullied. They may feel that it’s somehow their fault, and that if they looked different or behaved in a different way it wouldn’t happen. But it’s not their fault at all – so make sure they know that. Reassure them that they haven’t done anything wrong, that they’ve done the right thing in telling you and that you can help them get through this.

One of the worst things about bullying is it makes the person who’s being bullied feel powerless. So if you find out that your child’s being bullied, it’s important to involve them in deciding what to do next. This will help them take back some control and feel like a person who makes things happen, rather than a person that things happen to.

So the first thing to do is talk to them about the different options, and ask them what they’d like to do.

In some cases, just telling you may make them feel better and more able to cope with the situation, and they won’t want you to take any further action. In other cases, there may be a fairly simple solution you can come up with together, like thinking up some good comebacks for when people are mean, taking a different bus home or joining a club to make some new friends.

However, in some cases you may have to explain to them why you need to take a certain action (like talking to their school, or reporting an incident to the police) even if they don’t want you to. 

Between you, try to keep a log of any incidents of bullying. This could include photos of any injuries or damaged belongings. If the bullying is online, this could include screenshots of messages or links to hurtful videos. 

You can download a bullying log to fill in from the Contact website.

Depending on the situation, and if you know the parents of the other child or children involved, you may decide to talk to them about the situation. If you do, make sure you plan what to say in advance and keep calm when you approach them. They’re likely to want to defend their child, so try not to get upset or angry when you talk to them, even if you feel angry inside.

In many cases it may be more productive to talk to your child’s school or the police rather than going to the parents.

If your child is being bullied by someone at their school, the school has a responsibility to protect them. Our page on bullying at school has more advice.

In some situations, bullying can become a crime. Our page on reporting bullying to the police has more advice on what to do if this is the case.

Bullying can really knock your confidence and take the fun out of everything. So try to make sure your child has plenty of chances to relax and do things they enjoy, on their own, with you, or with friends they trust.

There are lots of thing you can try to help your child regain their confidence, from making a ‘box of awesomeness’ together to expressing themselves through art or music. You’ll find lots of tips to help build your child’s confidence and help your teen build self-esteem and resilience here.

If your child is being bullied online, they may feel as if they can’t escape. Encourage them to switch their phone off for a while and do something else instead, like get some fresh air, play a board game, go to the movies, put some music on and dance like no one’s watching or play some football in the park. Doing something else may help them clear their head and feel less trapped by the situation.

Unfortunately bullying may affect your child’s mental health, making them feel anxious, miserable or stressed. If they’re feeling down, Childline’s Calm Zone is packed with tools and activities to help them de-stress. Young people can also talk about their worries with others on the Childline message boards.

Our pages on supporting your child’s mental health and supporting your teen’s mental health have more advice.