Helping your child grow up to be a confident individual

If someone is resilient, it means they’re more able to cope with setbacks, to pick themselves up if they fail, to persevere and stay positive. The more resilient we can be when we’re younger, the easier we’ll cope with problems in adult life.

One thing that can help children to become more resilient is to show them that hard work is more important than being ‘naturally’ good at things. For example, if they do well at something, like acing a spelling test or winning a football match, try praising them for putting in the hard work, not for being ‘clever’ or ‘sporty’.

Another way is to help them learn from their mistakes, rather than getting upset. If they feel they’ve done something wrong, being cross or judgmental won’t help – try to pull something positive from the experience instead. What have they learned? What can they do next time?

You can teach them by example as well, so if you fail at something, accept this as cheerfully as you can and tell them what you’ve learned – even little things like a cake that doesn’t rise or a missed bus can be good examples.

You can find out more about raising a resilient child on the Parenting Smart website.

Comparing themselves to their friends can be demoralising for children, so try not to do this too. For example, if they get 9 out of 10 in a test, don’t ask ‘Did anyone get 10’?

Try to be optimistic when you’re talking to your child and not let things get to you – not always easy we know! If you’re feeling anxious or low, remember there are always people you can talk to who can help.

Helping your kids to solve problems themselves rather than sorting things for them will also help them become more confident – even if this takes longer! This applies to wee ones working out how to dress themselves to children stuck on their homework or having problems with their friends.

Scary things like starting nursery the first day at school or going to a hospital appointment are always made less scary if we know what to expect. So if your child is worried about something they need to do, it can really help to talk them through it, so they know more about what will happen and can be prepared for it.

Showing you trust them to do things themselves, like chores, homework or getting ready for bed, will help build their confidence. Our page on helping your child feel confident and secure has more trust-building tips for children of all ages.

When they achieve a goal, even a simple one like remembering to brush their teeth every day without being asked, they’ll feel better about themselves. There doesn’t need to be a prize (unless you want to give them something small like a sticker on a chart) – it’s about feeling they’ve accomplished something.

We all have a critical voice in our head that tells us we’re not good enough. If your child gets upset easily and is hard on themselves, try talking to them about this inner voice. Ask them if they’d talk to their friends the way this voice talks? You could even give the voice a name and tell it off for being rude!

This is simple, fun activity you can do with your child to help them think about all the good things about them. Draw a shield shape on a piece of paper and divide it into four. Then get your child to fill in the four quarters by finishing the following sentences:

• My name is…
• I am good at…
• Things I like about myself are…
• My dreams are…

If you download Children’s Health Scotland’s activity book you’ll find a shield template on page 11.

Encourage them to keep things that make them feel good about themselves in a box, like a nice card from a friend, a positive comment from a teacher, or an award they’ve won. If they feel a bit down they can get out their box and look at the things.

You might want to have a look at this article on the Childline website together.

Your mindset is a set of beliefs that influence how you make sense of the world and yourself. It impacts how you think, feel, and behave in different situations. Having a 'growth mindset' means believing that we can all get better at the things we do through effective effort, learning from our mistakes and getting support from other people. Lots of the tips above will help your teen/child develop a growth mindset, and if you want to know more you can check out this resource from Winning Scotland, which provides information and ideas on how to support your child’s learning and development.