Talking to your child about racism

If your child points out that someone looks different, it can be tempting to ‘shush’ them as it can be embarrassing. But this might make them think that talking about differences isn’t allowed. Instead, you could use this as an opportunity to talk about how we’re all different, and how great this is. If you don’t know what to say, you could say something like ‘that’s a good question – let’s talk about it when we get home’. 

You can find more tips for this situation on the Tiny Happy People website.

‘Where do babies come from?’ ‘Do dogs go to heaven?’ ‘Why are people different colours?’ Sometimes children’s questions can seem overwhelming. But if they ask questions about the way people look or dress, or their culture or way of life, do your best to answer them, so they know they can always come to you. If you’re not sure, you could look at some of the resources listed above to help find out.

Children often have a strong sense of what’s fair and what’s not. So it’s a good idea to talk about how unfair it is to treat someone differently because of the colour of their skin or where they come from. You could talk about how everybody deserves to be valued and respected, and how we all need to work together to make things better. 

Picture books are a great way to introduce wee ones to different cultures and experiences. Here are some suggestions of books you could read together – why not have a look for them in your local library?

• The Scottish Book Trust's list of picture books about refugees and migration
• The Scottish Book Trust's list of books that celebrate all kinds of friendships
• The Book Trust's list of picture books with Muslim characters

There are also lots of children’s films you can watch together that celebrate different cultures and promote diversity, like Coco, Moana and even Zootopia!

This video on BBC Bitesize has more tips for using books to celebrate diversity.

Once children start school they’re more likely to hear things about racism that they may not understand, and they may have more questions. Try to make sure there’s some time in the day or week when you can chat together about what they’ve learnt in school and discuss anything that may be worrying them, or that they’re curious or confused about. Let them know they can always ask questions and talk to you about anything.

If your child is concerned about something it can be tempting to tell them not to worry and that everything is fine. But try not to shut down the conversation too quickly. Instead, listen to what they have to say and ask them about why they feel that way before reassuring them. 

Books are a great way for children to learn more about other cultures and see things from a new point of view. The Scottish Book Trust has some really helpful book lists you could explore together:

• Books to understand and challenge racism for children and young adults 
• BPOC protagonists in children's and young adult books
• Black History Month books for children and young adults
• Children's books exploring migrant experiences

The Book Trust also has a good list of books about celebrations around the world, and you can find more book lists on the Inclusive Books for Children website.

The more your child learns about other cultures and ways of life, the more likely they’ll be to care about and stand up for people who are different from them and want to make the world fairer for everybody. 

As well as reading books about other cultures, you could try eating or making foods from different countries, or watching films that have main characters from different races or are made in other countries.

As well as watching and reading things that celebrate diversity, it’s a good idea to talk to your children about how people from different ethnic groups are seen in other films, books or online games they might encounter. For example, you could chat about how people may be stereotyped in certain roles, or how things that might have been accepted in the past are now not okay. 

Talking about stereotypical characters in films is a good way to raise the topic of racial inequality in society. It’s important for children to understand that racism isn’t just about a few bad people saying and doing horrible things – it’s about how the world in general is less fair for people from ethnic minority groups but this is why we all need to try to be actively anti-racist and make things better for everyone.

At this age your child may know a fair bit about racism, and may feel strongly about it. Make time to chat to them about what they’ve been watching, reading and learning so you can understand their thoughts and feelings. For example, if a story comes up in the news this can be a good opportunity to have a chat.

There are lots of things we can all do to make things better and more fair – like learning more about what it means to be anti-racist and taking action where we can. Have a look at our tips for being anti-racist below and see what you and your child can do to help. Your child can find more tips on the Childline website.

You may find your child gets a lot of information about current affairs online, and that their views may be influenced by people they follow on social media. So it’s a good idea to talk to them about what they’re looking at online, and to help them think critically about what they see and hear. The Internet Matters website has advice on tackling misinformation and fake news and recognising and reporting online hate.

Learning more about the past can help us understand the present. Your child may learn about historical events like apartheid in South Africa and the civil rights movement in the United States in school, so you could encourage them to talk about what they’ve learnt and how they feel about it. Or you could explore historical events together, looking at what happened from different people’s points of view. Commonsense Media’s list of Black history films that tackle racism could be a good starting point.

Try to keep informed by reading online articles or books that discuss racism (see for example the book lists above) and listening to other people’s experiences. If you find something particularly interesting or helpful, you could try sharing it with other family members or friends.

If you see a racist remark on social media, you could leave a comment to say it’s not acceptable, and unfollow or block the person. If you hear someone make a racist comment or joke in person, you could let them know that it’s not okay, and that stereotyping isn’t harmless, it’s hurtful and damaging. 

The more we get used to challenging racism, the easier it becomes to speak up. You could practise things to say with your child if they see or hear something that’s not okay. For example, they could say "That’s not funny" if someone tells a racist joke, or "That’s not true" if someone makes a racist comment.

If you see someone being harassed, try to help them out if it’s safe to do so. This illustration shows how you could help someone who’s being harassed for being Muslim, but the advice applies in any situation.