Supporting your teen at school

Your teen may find it encouraging if you show an interest in what they’re learning at school. Without being pushy, try asking them about their studies. You don’t need to pretend to understand everything – they may enjoy telling you things you don’t know! If they get into the habit of talking to you about their day, they may find it easier to tell you if anything upsets them.

Our page on talking and listening to your teen has lots of tips to encourage your teen to confide in you.

If you want to know a bit more about what your teen is studying to help start a conversation, you can find out more about the curriculum on the Parentzone Scotland website.

Even if your teen isn’t keen on studying, school offers much more than lessons. So try to encourage them to make the most of this. For example, you could suggest they join a club – music, sport, art, drama, film, coding, gaming, volunteering, campaigning, getting outdoors – there’s bound to be something that sparks their interest. 

Having a study routine that balances school and homework with fun and relaxation, exercise and plenty of sleep could help your teen feel more in control. Have a chat with them and help them work out a routine that suits them. For example, you could suggest setting aside a regular time for schoolwork, keeping one night homework free or moving mealtimes to fit their schedule better. 

You could also encourage them to think about their bedtime and morning routines on school days. For example, packing their bag, laying out their clothes and charging all their devices the night before will make the morning much easier.

Different people learn in different ways, and the way your teen learns best may not be the way you learn best. This quiz from the Open University helps you work out your study style – you could both try it together and compare results!

You can find more tips for supporting your teen’s study on the Parentzone Scotland website.

You know your child best, and you’ll know when they need some encouragement, and when they need to be left alone to get on with things. Make sure they have time and space to do homework. This may involve keeping younger siblings busy so your teen can concentrate – our activities and games pages have lots of suggestions for this. 

Nobody can work round the clock, so make sure your teen also has time to relax and recharge their batteries. Try to help them get a good balance between work and play.

Many teens will be using phones, tablets or laptops to study and to relax and have fun, which may mean they don’t have much time away from their screens. So it’s a good idea to encourage them to log out every so often and do something different, like go for a walk, meet a friend or listen to music. 

Teenagers’ body clocks are naturally programmed to staying up late and sleeping in in the morning – which isn’t very helpful when they need to be up for school. But there are things you can do to help them relax in the evenings and get a good night’s sleep. You can find more sleep tips here.

It’s not all about getting good grades, so make sure your teen knows you’re proud of them by praising them for working hard, trying new things and learning from their mistakes. This will help boost their confidence and encourage them to keep trying. 

It can be really disheartening for teens to be compared to their brothers or sisters or other people in their school. So try not to say things like ‘When your brother was your age…’ or ask how their friends did in tests.

From arguments with friends to problems with their work, your teen will probably face various challenges at school. And while it can be tempting to try and solve their problems for them, if you support them to solve their problems themselves this will help them far more in the long run.

Setbacks and challenges and stressful situations are a normal part of everyday life. On the whole, the more we face the things which make us feel uncomfortable, the easier it’ll get as we become more resilient. So try and help them find solutions themselves by talking it through with them, and breaking down big tasks into manageable steps. Our page on helping teens build resilience has more advice.

It may sound harsh, but don’t feel you have to protect your teen from everything that might make them feel stressed. A little bit of stress can actually be a good thing. It can help us focus and it can energise us to meet challenges (like studying for tests) and to carry on when we get stuck. 

So a great way to support your teen is to help them learn to recognise when they’re feeling stressed or anxious and encourage them to talk about their worries – this might be enough to help them feel better. You can then try to help them find a way to cope with their feelings. This could be by getting some fresh air or relaxing, or by preparing for the event they’re worrying about so they feel more ready to face it. Our page on supporting your teen’s mental health has more tips.

Sometimes as parents it can be hard to tell the difference between normal nervousness and more serious symptoms of stress or anxiety. Here are some signs to look out for:

• they seem moody, emotional or teary, or easily upset
• they talk about themselves in a negative way, for example, saying that they’re stupid or a failure
• they can’t focus on their work
• they’re irritable or short-tempered 
• they have physical symptoms, like feeling sick, shaky, sweaty, breathless or dizzy, or getting break-outs of spots and other skin conditions 
• they aren’t sleeping well
• their appetite or eating habits change.

If you spot any of these signs, it’s a good idea to have a chat with your teen to try to uncover what’s wrong. If the symptoms don’t go away, you may need to consider getting further support, for example, by talking to the school or your GP. 

Our pages on teen behaviour – what’s typical and what’s a warning sign? and supporting teens with low mood and depression have more information and advice and you can find organisations offering advice and support here.