Starting secondary school

Ask them how they feel about starting school. Let them know that you’re there to speak to them about anything that might be worrying them. Concerns about making new friends and bullying are all normal, and it’s important they know you’re there to chat anytime they want to. We have more advice about this in our section on raising a teen. 

Talk to them about what their first day will be like. Even being clear on what they’re going to wear and what route they’ll take in the morning will help settle their nerves a little – you could even do a practice run.

You may have your own worries about them starting secondary school. But it’s important that you try to stay positive. Ask them what they’re looking forward to, the subjects they think they’ll like, for example.

Secondary school has a lot of new opportunities that their primary school wouldn't have, which can be really exciting for them to look forward to. For example, they have lots of extra-curricular activities, before and after school and at lunch time. Encourage your child to get involved to help them make the most of their time to build skills and meet new people!

Over the summer holidays it’s easy to slip into the habit of late nights and later starts in the morning! Getting into a good morning routine in the week leading up to starting school will help make the first few days easier.

Help your child get everything they need to start. Their school will let you know what equipment is needed, like pens or calculators. Let them pick any new stationery or a new rucksack. This will help them feel a bit more confident on their first day. If you’re worried about money at the moment take a look at our tips for saving on school costs to find out about any support you might be eligible for.

Children need to become much more independent when they go to secondary school. So it’s a good idea to show them you trust them rather than hovering over them doing everything for them. 

For example, instead of packing their school bag for them you could just check in with them: ‘Do you have everything you need for tomorrow?’ And instead of dropping them at the school gates you could let them walk at least some of the way on their own. 

If your child comes to you with specific worries about school, you can help them find practical solutions so they feel more confident. For example, if they’re worried about being late, you could suggest a trial run during the holidays. If they’re worried about getting lost in school, you could suggest they take a photo of their timetable and keep it on their phone (if they’re allowed phones in school) so they always know where they’re meant to be and when. 

BBC Bitesize has lots more tips like this for secondary school pupils from children who’ve been there.

One of the most exciting but also the most scary things about starting secondary school is the chance to make new friends. To make this a little bit less daunting, you could help them practise talking to new people.

Asking a question is always a good way of starting a conversation, as the other person has to reply! This could be as simple as: ‘Hello, my name’s Jane, what’s yours?’ Or they could try a compliment: ‘I like your bag/pencil case – where did you get it?’

You could also suggest they look for people who have the same interests as them, such as supporting the same football team or liking the same bands, and then ask them about that.

Remind them that everyone will be in the same boat, and anyone your child starts a conversation with will probably be relieved that they made the first move.

You could also suggest they have a look at this guide to making friends from YoungScot.

Be interested in their new timetable, who they already know at school, or their teachers' names. This is a new change for both of you, and the more engaged you are the more supported they’ll feel. For the first couple of weeks (or longer), ask your child the night before about the timetable for the following day, ask what subjects they have and what they will need for the day.

Schools are always keen to make you feel part of the school community, so look out for family learning sessions in school bulletins.

If your child joins in with a club or activity, like a drama club, sports club, choir, gaming club or art club, they’re more likely to meet other kids that share their interests. And having something in common will make it easier to make friends.

If your child gets anxious at school, having a small object in their pocket that reminds them of home or their family may help them feel more connected to you. This could be anything – a pebble from the garden, a shell they found on the beach on holiday, a conker from the local park or a fidget toy. Just make sure it’s something you can easily replace if they lose it!

It may help to set aside some time every week when you do something together, like go for a walk or prepare a meal together. This will give you the chance to talk to each other without making a big deal of it. This page has more advice on talking to young people and listening to what they have to say.