Help with back to secondary school worries

It sounds obvious, but make sure your child knows they can come to you with any worries. It may help to have a time set aside during the day when they spend some one-on-one time with you and know they’ll be able to chat. 

It can help if you’re doing something else at the same time, like heading out to the shops, walking the dog or cooking a meal, as sometimes it can be easier to talk about awkward things when you don’t have to make eye contact.

Our page on talking and listening to your teen has more advice on helping young people to open up.

Resilience is our ability to cope with setbacks. The more resilient your child is, the more they’ll be able to cope with the ups and downs of school life. Our page on helping your teen build resilience has lots of tips to help with this.

Even if you’re really busy (for a change!) try to take the time to listen to their concerns. Do your best not to jump in and say things like ‘don’t worry, it’ll all be fine’ as this might seem a bit dismissive. Instead, try problem solving together. For example, you could ask them: ‘What do you think will make you feel better about this?’ and discuss ideas between you.

When you’re chatting to your child, don’t accidentally put your worries onto them. For example, don’t ask them questions like ‘Do you think you’ll get lots of homework?’ or ‘Are you nervous about meeting your new teachers?’ Instead, try to stay positive when you’re talking about school.

If your child hasn’t seen much of their school friends over the holidays it may help them feel less nervous if they spend some time with them before going back to school. So encourage them to meet up with some friends ‘in real life’ and maybe arrange to walk to school together when term starts.

Suggest they make a list of the things they’re looking forward to when they go back, like seeing friends again, studying a new subject, joining a new club or starting a new activity. They could stick this list up on their mirror or on the fridge, to remind them that it’s not all bad!

Teenagers’ body clocks are naturally set to staying up late and having a long lie-in. They’re not being lazy if they find it hard to get up in the mornings, it’s just the way their bodies work at this age. So during the holidays it’s likely that bedtimes and getting up times will have slid later and later. 

Try to ease them gently into the new term by encouraging them to gradually move their bedtime forward. This will help them to sleep better the night before they go back, and to wake up full of energy and ready to face the day, instead of feeling tired and grumpy. 

Check out our sleep tips for older children and teens for more advice.

There are lots of simple things you can try with your child to help them calm down if they’re feeling anxious – and they can use these at school too if they feel overwhelmed. For example, they could try simple breathing exercises, like breathing in for 5 counts and out for 7, or naming 5 things they can see, 4 things they can touch, 3 things they can hear, 2 things they can smell and one thing they can taste.

YoungMinds have lots more ideas in their self-care guide.

If your child is feeling worried about their first week back, it can help to plan something nice and relaxing to do over the following weekend so they can look forward to it. This could be something simple like making and eating pizza together (we have lots of recipes here), having a film night or playing some computer games together.

Lots of people worry about changes in their lives, and worrying about going back to school is perfectly normal! Chances are most of their friends are feeling exactly the same.