Helping neurodivergent teens with anxiety

If your child is neurodivergent it means their brain takes in and responds to inner and outer sensations and experiences in a particular way that might be different to the majority of their neurotypical peers. The world is often designed for neurotypical people, rather than taking account of the needs and preferences of the full range of neurotypes in our society. 

From exam stress to relationship pressures, there are lots of things that can cause anxiety during the teen years. But if your child is neurodivergent they may find the teen years even more unpredictable and distressing. 

For example:

• Neurodivergent teens may find changes, such as changes to their body or to their daily routine unpredictable and upsetting. 
• Everyone has different communication and social preferences. Many neurodivergent people prefer direct or literal communication and may not rely on non-verbal signals like body language or eye gaze. If we only consider neurotypical expectations we might think that neurodivergent young people have social and communication difficulties. This can make communication between neurodivergent and neurotypical teens tricky. You may wish to read about ‘double empathy’ – research suggests that often people of the same neurotype have the most successful communication experiences. Mismatches or misunderstandings can occur more often on both sides when neurotypes are mixed. 
• Social anxiety can arise from experiences of being misunderstood, feeling like you always get it wrong, masking to fit in and being in situations which are unpredictable, where people don’t do what was expected or which don’t meet your sensory needs. Consequently neurodivergent teens are more likely to experience social anxiety. 
• Neurodivergent teens may find schoolwork and exams more stressful.
• Many autistic teens may consciously or unconsciously ‘mask’ – hide their true or authentic self – in order to fit in, or avoid stigma. This can be exhausting and can make them feel more anxious. You can read more about masking on the Enquire website.
• Similarly teens with Tourette’s syndrome may be able to control their tics in social situations, but this too can be very tiring.

You know your child best and how comfortable they are with talking about their feelings and emotions. It can be good to encourage your teen to talk to you about how they feel, if you know this is something they might be comfortable with. Our page on talking and listening to your teen has tips to get the conversation going. 

However, neurodivergent teens may find it harder to identify and express how they’re feeling, or they may not want to share their feelings with you. So it’s a good idea to keep an eye out for signs that they may be feeling anxious. Anxiety in a neurodivergent teen can present quite differently to others. 

As well as common signs of anxiety like disrupted sleeping and eating habits, neurodivergent teens may show this in a range of ways, some of which might be unexpected. 

Autistic teens

Autistic teens may have emotional regulation strategies which help them feel less anxious like ‘stimming’ (making repetitive movements or noises like hand flapping, rocking back and forth, humming or repeating the same phrase over and over) and focusing on their interests that help calm them if they’re feeling upset or overwhelm. If you notice an increase in these actions and responses, it may be a sign that your teen is feeling anxious but also that they are finding successful ways to regulate themselves. 

You may also notice that your child shows signs of distress. For example, they may experience:

• situational mutism – not being able to use spoken words in some contexts due to anxiety.
• meltdowns – these are strong reactions that might seem to come out of nowhere, often misunderstood as tantrums. A meltdown is not a conscious behaviour that  can be changed but rather an uncontrollable response to overwhelming feeling: a physical reaction to an overwhelmed brain.
• shutdowns – these are internal expressions of distress and although they are equally distressing to experience, they are frequently unnoticed by those around the neurodivergent person.
• burnout – this has been described as the shutting down of mind and body and manifests as long-term exhaustion, loss of ability to operate in ways they previously did, being unable to mask and reduced tolerance for some sensations or environments. This can be mistaken for depression or low mood.

You and those around them might observe their actions and responses to be more challenging when they’re anxious and when the environments they are in do not meet their sensory and communication needs or their need for predictability.

You can find out more about stimming, interests and meltdowns on the National Autistic Society website.

Teens with ADHD

A lot of the symptoms of anxiety are similar to the signs of ADHD, like feeling restless and edgy, being unable to concentrate and being quick to react and impatient. Their brain may also race and it can make coping with day to day things much harrder, So if your teen has ADHD keep a look out for these symptoms becoming more noticeable – this may be a sign of anxiety. This guide for young people from YoungMinds has more information on ADHD and mental health.

Teens with Tourette’s syndrome

If your teen has Tourette’s syndrome, you may notice their tics become more frequent or severe if they’re anxious. 

If you’re concerned about your teen’s mental health, your GP is there for you. They may be able to recommend supports that will help.

You can also find help and support through the following organisations:

• Scottish Autism
• National Autistic Society
• Scottish ADHD Coalition
• Dyslexia Scotland
• The Dyscalculia Information Centre
• The National Handwriting Association (for information on dysgraphia)
• Tourette’s Action
• Raising Awareness of Developmental Language Disorder (resources and support for parents of children with Developmental Language Disorder, which commonly co-occurs with other neurotypes)
• YoungMinds (mental health advice and support for young people and their parents and carers)
• Enquire (the Scottish advice service for additional support for learning)
• Scottish Commission for People with Learning Disabilities (resources to help people with learning disabilities cope with anxiety – these were created during the pandemic but are still relevant now)
• Disability Information Scotland (to find local support in your area for a range of conditions)