What you need to know about teens and risk-taking behaviour

Giving your teenager a lecture on the dangers of alcohol/drugs/sexting is unlikely to get you anywhere! Instead, chat to them regularly about the issues, and let them know they can always talk to you if they have any questions or anything is bothering them. Being honest and keeping lines of communication open means they’re more likely to come to you if something does go wrong.

Our page on talking and listening to your teen has lots more advice on this.

Young people are often curious about things like sex, alcohol and drugs and may have lots of questions. If you can encourage them to come to you with these questions, that’s great! But don’t feel you need to know all the answers – you could maybe look at some reliable websites together, like:

• Childline
• Know the Score
• Young Scot’s information about e-cigarettes.

Our page on talking to your teen about sex has more advice to help with conversations about consent and other issues related to sex.

If you don’t talk to them about these tricky subjects, they’ll only look for answers elsewhere, and may end up getting mixed messages from other teens or unreliable sources online.

If your teen tells you about something risky a friend has done, or you see someone in a programme you watch or a celebrity you follow acting in a risky way, you can use this as an opportunity to talk about it together. Why did they make this decision? What could the consequences be? What they could have done differently? Try not to be judgmental – just discuss the facts together.

You could even talk about the mistakes you made when you were young and how you could have avoided them – this might also help when they tell you that you ‘don’t understand’.

Young people are sometimes egged on by their friends or peers to do things they wouldn’t otherwise do. If your teen feels confident about themselves and their opinions and values, it’ll be easier for them to resist peer pressure. Our page on helping young people build self-esteem has tips for how you can do this and this article from YoungMinds has helpful suggestions for dealing with peer pressure.

It’s also a good idea to let them rebel in ways that won’t have a long-term impact. Does it matter if their hair’s blue as long as they’re safe?

If your teen knows their friends are always welcome in your home, they’re more likely to ask them round, which means you’ll have more of an idea of what they’re getting up to.

‘Do as I say but not as I do’ never washes with young people, so try and set a good example when it comes to smoking, drinking and other activities. Easier said than done we know, so if this is hard for you, you’ll find help and support for dealing with smoking, alcohol and drug issues here.

Try not to be over-protective and controlling when setting rules – your teen will only resent it. Instead, work together to come up with rules you can both agree on. This will need a bit of give and take on both sides. Our page on setting rules and consequences for teens has more tips on this.

Teenagers, particularly girls, often look like grown ups. And sometimes they can behave like grown ups too But it’s important to remember that, however responsible, sensible and sorted they may seem, they’re still young, and their brains haven’t finished developing yet. So although they may act as if they don’t need your advice and support, they really do!

Young people often get drawn into risky behaviour because they’re fed up or bored. They can also see things like smoking and drinking as a way of dealing with stress. So try suggesting other things they can try, like taking up a new hobby, joining a club or practising yoga or mindfulness. Our pages on creative things for teens to do and supporting your teen’s mental health have lots of ideas.

Teenagers don’t always realise how their behaviour affects the people around them. If you’re concerned about their behaviour, try to explain how you feel calmly, using sentences starting with ‘I’ not ‘you’. For example, you could say ‘I worry when you come home late because I’m afraid you might have had an accident’ rather than ‘You’re always home late, it’s so inconsiderate’.

Some teens may find it easier to talk to another family member or trusted adult, rather than their parents. Don’t be offended – it’s all part of growing up and becoming more independent. So if your teen refuses to talk to you about their behaviour, you could try asking a friend or family member to have a chat with them instead.

It’s important that your teen knows that they can always come to you for help, even if they’ve broken the rules. Remind them that you just want to keep them safe.

Some families have a ‘code word’ which their teen can text or message if they’re feeling worried or uncomfortable. The parent or family member who gets the text can then call them back with a ‘family emergency’ and rescue them, no questions asked.

All young people make mistakes – it’s part of the growing up process. So chances are at some point they’ll end up in a situation you didn’t want them to be in – whether that’s being caught vaping at school, coming home drunk, getting into a fight or worse. In these situations, the best thing you can do is be there to support them and help them learn from their mistakes.

Depending on the situation, you may be shocked, angry or upset and your natural reaction may be to yell at them. But try to react calmly. Taking a time out may really help here. Once things have settled down, talk to them about what happened, and what they would do differently next time.