Returning to work after having a baby

Before you had your baby you might have felt that going back to your usual hours was fine, but now you may be reconsidering that. Pre-baby you maybe feels like a different person from post-baby you! Before you go back, you might want to talk to your employer about working more flexible hours, or working from home – anything that will make life a bit easier. You can find out more about flexible working on the ACAS website.

Babies feel more secure when they know what to expect, so having a consistent morning and bedtime routine will help them settle. Before you go back, try and get into the kind of routine you’ll have when you start work again. That way it won’t come as too much of a shock – for either of you!

This may be hard – for both of you – but it’ll help you both get used to being apart. It’ll also reassure your baby that when you go away, you always come back. Perhaps they could start going to childcare a few days before you go back, so you don’t both have your ‘first day’ together.

To avoid any early morning panics, it’s a good idea to decide what you’ll be wearing for work before you go back. If you need some new things, there’s no need to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe – you can always borrow or shop second-hand.

Can you start part way through the week, so you don’t have to do a full week all at once? You’ll be glad of it come Friday!

It’s natural to worry that things may have moved on at work while you’ve been away. You may even worry that you won’t remember how to do your job. (You will remember.) Try instead to focus on the positives. When you have a baby you develop a whole raft of new skills that are equally as handy at work – like time management, prioritising, problem solving, multi-tasking and keeping your cool in the face of a tantrum!

Is there a family member or friend who can step in in an emergency? This will help if anything doesn’t go to plan with your usual arrangements. If it’s someone who lives near you, or near your child’s nursery, even better!

Chances are your emotions will be all over the place as you cope with finding your feet back at work, missing your wee one and still probably running on very little sleep. So try and cut yourself some slack. As you settle into your new routine, things will get easier. But if they don’t, you may find that talking to someone about your situation will make a big difference. Your health visitor, family nurse or GP are all here for you, and a directory of third sector services supporting mental health for women, babies and their families can be found here. Our section on wellbeing for new parents has more advice and information.

Having a baby is exciting and wonderful but it can also be overwhelming and you’ll probably need some time off as your family adjusts to your new circumstances. You could also consider taking time off when your partner goes back to work, to help ease them and your wee one into their new routine.

As well as using annual leave, you may be entitled to paternity leave and pay, allowing you to spend time caring for and getting to know your baby during their first year. You don’t have to take the leave immediately but you need to have used it by the time your baby is 56 weeks old (a year and a month).

You may also be able to get shared parental pay and leave, which is where your partner transfers some of their maternity leave and pay to you. You could use this to take turns having time off, or to have time off together, whichever suits your family best.

If you intend to take paternity leave or shared parental leave, make sure you let your employer know as soon as possible.

You can find out more about paternity leave and pay and shared parental leave and pay on the gov.uk website.

You can find out more about how to take time off with baby on the Fathers’ Network Scotland website.

If your job gives you the option of working from home this may help, especially if your partner is feeling isolated or lonely. Although you’ll still be working, this gives you the opportunity to do things like take baby for a walk at lunchtime, and cutting out the commute gives you more time in the mornings and evenings. You could also talk to your employer about flexible working – you can find out more about this on the ACAS website.

When your partner goes back to work, they may feel overwhelmed by different emotions and concerns. Make sure you have time to talk together about how they’re feeling, how you’re feeling and what family life will be like when they’re back at work. Don’t try to guess what your partner feels or needs – ask them! And don’t expect them to guess how you’re feeling either.

No matter how things have changed in society, dads can still feel under pressure to be the ‘bread winner’, especially if their partner has reduced their hours or taken a less well-paid job to fit round childcare. If the cost of raising a family is weighing heavily on you, you’re not alone – and you don’t have to handle things alone either.

If you feel things are getting on top of you, having a chat to a friend or another new parent can really help put things into perspective. And remember you can always talk to your health visitor too – they’re there for both parents, not just mum. The Fathers’ Network Scotland Directory lists dad-friendly groups and organisations all around the country which provide support, advice or information.